holy crap

we had another ultrasound today on a better, clearer machine. it's amazing what a difference one week can make. i was in awe of how human-like our little guy has become. his movements seemed less like involuntary flailing and more like joyful, playful wiggles. he would do this amazing dance that would cause him to rise up slightly in his cushiony liquid, and then slowly float back down. at first he was asleep, his little heart beating with determination, but the rest of him just peaceful. then our midwife gave him a few gentle jiggles, and he woke up with such excitement. it was really like he knew what we wanted, and gave us this cute little display just to please us. we could see his jawbone and spine, his arms and legs, and most incredibly, a little foot. it was perfect. it was this amazing, tiny footprint, so clear on the screen. it was as if he was trying to show me, see, i'm not a blob anymore. i'm a real human, just tiny. i could see his TOES. it was incredible. the entire time i was struggling to stifle this gigantic laugh/cry so that my movement wouldn't shake the screen and hinder my view. so i just laid there with this crazy, smiling, open-mouthed look of wonder and awe, several tears escaping this time. it was like i was a frozen image of someone who had just arrived at their own surprise party. it was the most amazing experience of my life, and i can't believe how lucky i am that it will only get better from here.
we unfortunately don't have a picture for you all to see, as the printer paper she had ordered had not yet arrived. i would have loved to have shared this incredible event i witnessed today, but hopefully my words will suffice. i know the image will never leave my mind.
we have our next real prenatal appointment on the first, and she said it *may* be possible at that point to find out what we're having. i think that calls for another "holy crap". should i start taking bets?

update of the visual persuasion

i thought it might be neat at this point to put together a little pictoral timeline. so here it is:

first ultrasound

so yesterday we had our first prenatal check up and ultrasound. our midwife said i look and sound like i'm doing great, and the baby also seems to be doing very well. the ultrasound was amazing. it was a very old machine, which did not provide a very clear view, and was not able to zoom in, but what i was able to see was the most amazing thing i have ever laid eyes upon. i just stared at it with my mouth open, stupid smile on my face, one little tiny tear rolling down my cheek. i kept wanting to peak over at jason and see his reaction, but i literally could not take my eyes off the little guy even for a second. we saw this little white dot, his heart, beating like crazy. and then, every once in awhile, he would do this dance, that looked as though he was training to be a prize fighter, working on dodging blows with great speed and proficiency. it's funny, because just the other day i was telling jason how he now has knees and elbows, and is in there learning how to move them. when i told him that, i imitated a boxer, and jason just laughed. but it turns out i was right! he's gearing up to be a tough little cookie. :)
here is the picture we got. it's not very good, i know, but his head is on the left, and if you really look closely, you can see his leg all the way on the other end. i think i see an arm, too, and one of those dots in the middle might be his heart. anyway, we're going to her other office sometime next week where she has a better machine, and we'll hopefully have a much better picture to post after that.



she did try to find the heartbeat using her doppler, but was unable to because she kept getting a lot of feedback on it. she said that had never happened before. jason is convinced it's because our baby's superpowers were interfering with the transmission... whatever it was, she wasn't concerned, because it was definitely going strong on the screen.
as for me, it's been quite a rollercoaster ride lately. every time a new thing comes up, it's gone in a few days. like earlier this week, i was finding that if i went just a few hours without eating, my empty belly (holy crap! has my metabolism increased!) would start making me nauseous. that only lasted three days, thankfully. then yesterday, i just felt grumpy all morning for no reason. i just wanted to yell and scream, no matter what was going on. after that ultrasound, however, i felt very at peace and couldn't keep the smile off my face.
my belly is getting bigger. i put a rubber band through the loop of all my pants and shorts now. it makes them so much more comfortable! and i went and bought a couple new shirts, as well, because some of mine are so tight now that i feel a little self-conscious in them. found some on clearance for $5! :D
food has continued to be a pain in the butt. i decided today that the only way i'm going to be able to stop myself from wasting food (and not wasting a ton of money eating out) is by figuring out what i want for dinner when it's almost dinner time, and then going shopping for it right then. if i don't do it one meal at a time like that, i'll buy things that sound good at the time, but repulse me the next day when it's time to eat them. or just keep eating at restaurants, which is like a terrible trifecta--costly, time consuming, and not as healthy. too bad i can't just have a chipotle in my back yard. mmm...those crunchy tacos are ALWAYS good...
the gym has started to feel good again. i think going earlier in the day helps. i'm not as tired then, and always feel pretty good. went swimming last night and that was pretty awesome,
too.
for a couple of nights now i have been waking up in the middle of the night and had trouble falling back to sleep because i'll be having some anxiety about how much my belly can really stretch, and whether or not i can really push this baby out of me, and without any pain killers! i know it's normal to worry about all that, and it's more a general pondering at this point than an anxiety attack, but i do feel like i should probably get started on the hypnobirthing stuff. i'm excited to learn it, but nervous about whether or not i'm truly capable of having a birth that is virtually painless, instead of just barely manageable. i do believe that we're all capable of giving birth naturally, but i also believe a very large part of that is whether the individual person believes she is capable or not. so i guess i better start getting rid of this negativity, and quick.

Raising a superhero

It's gonna be awesome.