month two

samson my love,

as i write this you are actually 9 weeks old. we had lots of family visiting during week 8, so we'll chalk my lateness up to that, and i'll try not to make it a habit.

boy was month 2 a rollercoaster of excitement and stress!! i guess we'll start with the good stuff. on may 21st, at exactly 5 weeks, you woke up and decided you no longer wanted to be a blob; you were ready to go full-blown baby. i remember the exact moment i noticed it. i was feeding you, you kept your eyes wide open and just stared at EVERYTHING. and eating? that was secondary at the moment. it was like all of a sudden you noticed that there were things other than boobs, SO MANY THINGS! you do this all the time now, and sometimes it can be frustrating, when you eat at such a slow pace, if we're in a hurry, but my god how i love to watch your eyes as you soak everything in. you're like a little frog with his eyes just above the surface of the water, checking everything out from the safety of your pond.

here's the post from that day:

so samson woke up at 7 asking to be fed, but then a funny thing happened. as i tried to feed him, he decided that that was the exact moment he was going to go from blob to baby and start to be fascinated by everything he sees--the clock, my hand, a book...it's been 4 hours now since he's eaten and he just couldn't care less. he just wants to LOOK AT EVERYTHING!

he's making these adorable smiles at everything he sees. :)

May 21 at 7:57am · ·

it was around this same week that you noticed the mobile above your swing, started making coos and gurgles, and began to smile at us on purpose. what an amazing time!

every day samson is done sleeping at 7 and i am NOT. so, i grumpily get out of bed with him, wishing i could have just ONE more hour of sleep. and every day, by the time i get down the stairs with him, he has once again melted my heart to mush with his ridiculously adorable noises and facial expressions, and i think, "who needs sleep? i just want to stare at you all day."

May 25 at 7:24am · ·

got your first cold at the beginning of june. just a runny nose and a bit of a cough. it thought you handled it quite well. i tried to get you accustomed to the snot sucker by using it a lot before you ever got a cold, but it still ended up being your least favorite part of having a cold. oh well. can't win them all i guess.

got mastitis on june 2nd after i took a nap with you sleeping on me completely horizontal. luckily i caught it right away and with some work it disappeared without antibiotics thankfully.

you're becoming more of a joy every day.

there is a real live baby somewhere inside this eating/pooping/sleeping machine. he's starting to notice things like his mobile, smiling more every day, and becoming quite adept in hand-to-mouth coordination. :)

June 6 at 9:29pm · ·

had a serious growth spurt on june 8th:

holy growth spurts, batman! samson had 2 feedings twenty minutes apart from each other before bed last night. then so far this morning, has eaten at 5:30, 7, 8, and 8:45. gonna be a looooooong day...

June 8 at 9:18am · ·

on the 9th and 10th, thanks to my awesome sister and husband, i was able to get a haircut and buy a couple of new shirts and dresses. what a difference that made! i may not have all my muscle back yet, and i may be covered in vomit, but at least my hair looks nice and those vomit-covered clothes fit right!

also on the 10th i finally got around to having my midwife check how i've healed. she gave me the ok to go back to the gym (finally!) which i was able to do on the 13th thanks to awesome babysitter extraordinaire, steph. that felt AWESOME. i was a little caught off guard by how out of shape i was, but it still felt great just to be there.

well, unfortunately it can't all be peaches and gravy. (that's a saying, right?) as you become more aware, you also become more opinionated. the more things you know about, the more things you can want. but alas, you still only know one word. so, we've run into a couple of snags in the past couple of weeks. on the 15th you were crying and fussing for what seemed like hours, and for what? i had no idea. finally i realized, as i tried to comfort you, clean up, and cook three pots at once, all while a movie played and family visited, that you were just as overwhelmed and stressed out as i was. so, we went outside and sat in a chair and stared at the grass....for looong time. and it felt GREAT. you wouldn't think it would take me so long to remember to take a break once in awhile, but my brain no longer functions the way it once did, and things like that seem to be answers to cryptic puzzles that take hours to solve. yesterday was even worse. you were inconsolable for 5 straight hours (starting as soon as your dad had to leave for work, of course). the only thing that stopped your crying for more than a couple of minutes was walking around while holding you--not in your carrier, of course, because that wouldn't have hurt mommy's back enough. then, finally, as i tried desperately to feed you and get you to sleep, and you cried as i did so, it hit me--you were tired as HECK, and you did indeed want something to suck on to help you go to sleep, but you didn't want any dang MILK to come out of that something!!! so, i popped a pacifier in your mouth, (which i rarely use, hence the 5 stinking hours it took me to think of the dang thing), and you drifted right off. sure i had to hold it there the entire time, since you've had no practice with the thing and can't manage to keep it in your mouth to save your life, but you were finally happy, and that was all that mattered.

now how did i fare through this struggle? not well, i'm sorry to say. there were some shouts of frustration, and i may have kicked a wall and thrown a couple of books. that 5 hours really took a toll on me. i lost my patience so quickly, and you deserve so much better than that. i'd like to say i've learned a lesson from that event, but it hasn't yet happened again, (and i know it will eventually), so i guess we'll just have to wait and see. i'm just so grateful to have the family and friends that i do. their unwavering support is so dear to me; i can't believe how lucky i am.

last week we had a familypalooza, with your great gram, cousin taylor, uncle ryan, and aunt carlee all visiting. it was during this week i realized that seeing you being held and loved by so many people is one of the greatest joys of my life. it makes me so very happy to know you have such a great number of people who love you, care about you, and will be there for you throughout your life, to comfort you, guide you, and teach you, and each in their own particular way. you don't know how very lucky you are.

it's been an eventful 5 weeks, that's for sure. it's been such a pleasure watching you grow this month, and i can't wait to see what next month will bring.

love,

mommy