month six

sammy ry,

holy. moly.
where do i begin? i feel like my life changed all over again this month. i would say this has been, by far, the best month since you were born. and a lot of that "bestness" is stemming from this last week, as well as all the awesomeness i can see on the horizon.

as of late, i have been quite displeased with who i've become--someone who is so often grumpy and angry for no apparent reason. i found myself sabotaging every day the three of us spent together with my short temper and sour mood. the strange thing was, though, i couldn't figure out why in the heck i was acting this way. what on earth do i have to feel angry about when there is so much i have to be thankful for??? i kept asking myself this question, over and over again, racking my brain trying to come up with an answer. well, a few days ago i just cleared my mind, and said, "i'm angry because..."--and it just flowed out of me. "i'm angry because i haven't been living my life the way i want to live it." wow. it just hit me like a truck--i've been letting laziness and stupid excuses get in the way of me doing the things i wanted to be doing, and being the person i wanted to be. so i meditated on this for awhile, and realized the solution to this problem was quite simple--it all comes down to decisions. every thing i do, every move i make, every thought i have, every action i take...they all happen when i make a CHOICE. so, i decided that from that point on, i would make sure that before i did ANYTHING, be it reacting to an emotion i was having, deciding whether or not to act on something, or making a big life change, i would decide which thing would make me HAPPIEST in the long run, and just DO IT, no ifs, ands or buts. it's only been four days so far, but i haven't felt this good in a long time. it's amazing the impact something so small can have. when i feel frustrated with samson, i just say, "ten minutes from now, how would i want to have reacted to this?" when i'm feeling lazy and don't want to take my vitamins or work out, i just remind myself that i'm always happier having done these things. anyway, that's quite a large tangent from the usual baby update, but it has had, and i think will continue to have, such a positive affect on my life and my attitude that i felt like i really needed to share it.

i am so ridiculously excited that you are 6 months old now, samson!! you are learning things at such a rate that i can hardly keep up! literally over night, you could sit! you went from sitting on your own for only a couple of seconds, to doing it for an entire minute without anything in between! and you make vast improvements and significant modifications to your crawling style on a daily basis. it's really amazing and so fun to watch. you are so close to getting into a sitting position by yourself, i can almost taste it! and yesterday you tried to pull yourself into a standing position for the very first time, and then you did it today on what was only your third try!

i'm so excited for what's to come, as well. tomorrow you will get your first taste of solid food! and your first halloween is in just a few weeks! then it's thanksgiving, and christmas, and new years! oh, the family visits that will be had! you may even get your first snow! then before you know it, we'll be celebrating your first birthday! that's a lot of exclamation points, kid!!

but anyway, back to the present, or rather the past month...

so the first day after i updated your last month post, you had an amazing second nap:

i changed him, read a story in the rocking chair, but him in his crib with a kiss, (this time with pacifier AND hugging a small stuffed animal), and there was NO CRYING!! WHY AREN'T THESE LETTERS BIGGER???!! i am shocked and amazed! i can't even hear him wiggling or anything! i think he just fell right to sleep. MIRACLES ARE HAPPENING IN MY HOUSE!

12 September at 14:33

as you can see there, i was very impressed. and you've done it several times since then. the improvement in your day-to-day mood and temperament has seen a very large improvement since you've been sleeping better. i am SO happy that we made this change.

around the middle of september, you really started to become mobile, and have been improving on your technique ever since. i can't wait to see how you choose to get around once you can control your arms and legs better. right now it's this awesome scoot/hop/army crawl thing, with a little bit of a monkey crawl thrown in here and there for good measure.

on september 20th i started looking into (finally) getting you vaccinated. you hadn't had any yet because i just couldn't make up my mind about what i wanted to do. there is so much conflicting (and SCARY) information out there. after doing a butt-ton of research, though, i finally figured out a plan that is best for us, and on the 29th you got your first shot--and you made lee ermey look like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k78TVkbrHHM and the best part was, you had absolutely NO adverse reaction to it at all, not even a little redness. :)

friday was my first day at my second job, which will mean your dad taking care of you 3 days a week from noon on. i'm really excited for you and your dad to get some more bonding time, but i think i am going to miss you like crazy. i think it might also be really tough having to go back to never having a day off with your dad again, but i'm really hopeful we can make this work.







bean sprout, i am so in love with you, at times i can hardly believe it. at just six months old, you are already so brave, smart, sweet, determined, strong, handsome, and have such a great sense of humor. i feel so proud to have you as my son.

i love you with every one of my earthly particles,
mommy

third trimester!

so it's been three months since i updated this thing. we'll just blame that on the holidays...
a lot has happened since then, i suppose, but i guess it's mostly just the same old, same old. he's growin, i'm growin, he's kickin, i'm gettin kicked. everything's still going very well. i had some pretty gnarly indigestion for a few days in december, but then it was gone. the gym, however, is getting much more difficult. since my resting heart rate keeps climbing with his growth, there is less and less i can do at the gym that keeps me below 140 bpm, and there are some days when it gets me really down. i couldn't figure out why it was upsetting me so much at first; i knew all along a day would come when i'd have to tone it way down and probably change my entire routine. at first i thought i was just bothered by how much sooner it had come than i had expected. then i realized that it was bringing on a sort of mini identity crisis. working out at the gym, lifting weights more specifically, which i've been doing for 8 years now, is a very large part of how i identify myself. it's a large piece of the sarah puzzle and to suddenly have to throw it out, not knowing when i'd be able to get it back, was crushing for me. and realizing how alone i was, that i had no one with a similar routine to get advice from, caused a little breakdown. but after talking to jason about it, looking at some bodybuilding websites, and thinking it through, i realized that the best thing for me to do is not to stop it completely. i may have to keep modifying and modifying until there's hardly anything recognizable left from before, but as long as i'm doing what feels familiar to me, and what's safe, i think we'll both be better off. so, i bought a pregnancy workout dvd made by a very fit, very pregnant lady, (who used to be in cirque du soleil) and i'm really looking forward to trying it out. it hasn't come yet, but today i went back to the gym and did a lot of the exercises i'm used to, just modified so i could sit or take it slower somehow. and it was great! my heart rate monitor rarely beeped, and i even did a complete lower body workout, (which i have been neglecting for months now), without it beeping once. i think the closer i stick to my old routine (safely, of course), the happier and healthier we both will be before, during, and after labor.

so enough of that. onto the the fun stuff. :) the holidays really got me mixed up, and once they were over, i realized we only had THREE MONTHS LEFT!! crazy! what a shock that was. so now i'm in full-blown baby mode, trying to get things done before we run out of time. we haven't finished painting his furniture, haven't even started painting the nursery, haven't finished the gift registry, haven't solidified a date for the baby shower, or made invitations or plans of any sort for it, and *gasp* still have not even signed up for or even settled on a birthing class. not good. i feel very prepared knowledge-wise, thanks to ina may gaskin's "guide to childbirth" (best book EVER!!), but i definitely would like some practice with relaxation techniques. so i have some reading to do on which class to take, and then hopefully we can start those soon. the 18th is our last monthly checkup, then it's every 2 weeks. wow. the last 2 checkups we had, everything was awesome. no ultrasound pictures, but i don't feel as much anymore like i need those, since he moves around so much every day. i feel like that's his way of telling me he's doing fine. for almost a week now, i have noticed a new development--he loves to be on my right side, all bunched up. he still kicks me all over the place, but whenever i feel a big hard mass, it's always on the right. and last night he just stayed there for a good hour while i just rubbed his back...or butt, or whatever that was. i can't wait till he's finally here, when i can really get to know him. it will be so amazing to see his personality develop day by day, week by week. i'll learn what he loves and what makes him cranky, and we'll come to know each other so well. i'm really looking forward to this new world, where everything i do has a greater purpose. there will be so many challenges, and so many rewards, and everything will have a meaning that wasn't there before. for someone who thinks of going to the park as an adventure, i feel like i've just bought a one-way ticket to another galaxy.